Gentleman's Quarterly doesn't have a very good website, but the August issue (cover featuring Halle Berry from Catwoman) has an exclusive, uh, story, by Senior Editor Jason Gay, on why exactly we can't prove the Shrub did his National Guard duty. If you've never heard of Special Undercover Missions Service (SUMS), now is your chance to read all about it:
But SUMS agents were more than gentlmen spies. Provided with state-of-the-art weaponry and surveillance euipment, SUMS officers trained in mortal combat and international diplomacy. They were masters of disguise, capable passing themselves off as immigrants, women, even alrge animals. . . The agency was a favorite of then Richard Nixon and his FBI chief, J. Edgar Hoover, who, before his death, in May 1972, reularly used SUMS operatives for missions both military. . .Before Bush's arrival, SUMS is elieved to ahve briefly infiltrated the Allman Brothers Band, the Students for a Democratic Society, and The Dick Cavett Show. . . .From there [Bush] moved to India, where he helped train a mounted brigade assembled to kidnap the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (a mission that would fail due to an untimely monsoon.) Next for Bush was New Zealand, where he assisted officials with helicopter surveillance of sheep poachers . . As the coup de grace, they lodged a banana in the tailpipe of Vietcong negotiator Le Duc Tho's car, temproarily shutting down his motorcade.
The photographs make the piece. The back of the July Issue of GQ, featuring Will Ferrell on the cover, had a helpful list: 32 Signs You May Not Be A Patriot. Qualifying positive on items like "You listen to NPR", "If twenty mujahideen tied you down and threated you with cattle prods, you would quite willingly give them Dick Cheney's address" and "You're kind of turned on by the whole Mexican invasion," I'm afraid, gentle readers, this patriot scored a 24/32.
